When it matters most, helping someone who is contemplating suicide can be as simple as listening to them.
That’s the message from Canadian Mental Health Association Huron Perth CEO Catherine Hardman: make sure you ask if they’ve had thoughts of hurting themselves and listening to them because it’s a topic people don’t like to talk about.
“There’s a stigma associated with it and people are afraid to open that can of worms because they’re not sure what to do when someone says yes,” Hardman said. “I would say at that point they need to know you’re listening. You should never say you’re not going to tell anybody because you have to. The important thing is to get that person to a safe place, either to the hospital or by calling the crisis line and find out what kind of support you can be providing.”
With Suicide Prevention Month in full swing, focus needs to be put on both those having suicidal thoughts but also for those who try to help. Hardman said that people who try to help and are unsuccessful find themselves dealing with feeling a type of survivor’s guilt, and there is help for them as well.
“After someone dies by suicide, people who try to help are left with the feeling of ‘I should have done more, or I should have recognized the signs’,” she said. “They kind of blame themselves. People who die by suicide have a very narrow focus - they only just see what’s in front of them and they don’t see the big picture around their past, present or future. All they see is a way to end their pain. The other piece of this is that people need to be kind to themselves and understand that sometimes, nothing more could have been done. There are support systems in place for people who feel this way.”
Some facts about suicide, as listed on www.988.ca:
- 11 people die by suicide every day in Canada
- 11.8 per cent of people in Canada have had thoughts of suicide at some point in their lives
- For every person who dies by suicide, as many as 135 people can be impacted by the loss
Hardman said it takes small steps when you’re dealing with someone thinking about suicide, one of those showing them that they won’t feel like this forever.
“You have to try and help them understand that it could be different for them, that they won’t always feel the way they feel right now,” she said. “I don’t mean you guilt them by any means, but you remind them of the good things they have in their life and they can choose for things to be different. They can come out on the other side.”
And while it may seem like a small thing, Hardman said the language we choose to use when talking about suicide makes a big difference as well.
“I keep saying, ‘die by suicide’ as opposed to ‘committed suicide’,” she said. “I hadn’t really thought about it until a while back when people were talking about it, but it tends to criminalize it when you say ‘comitted’. That puts a moral judgement on people, so how we speak about it is important. But I think just having the conversations and asking the uncomfortable questions is important because sometimes that’s all people need - someone to listen to them.”
You can reach the Suicide Crisis Hotline by dialing 9-8-8 or by visiting www.988.ca to find out more.
